Advice on how to make a long distance relationship work.

If you’ve been following me for a while, you might know that I used to live in Missouri and Kyle lives in New Jersey. Kyle and I were in a long distance relationship for 2 years before I moved out to the east coast. With Valentine’s Day coming up, we wanted to share our story and advice to help those in the same situation.

How We Met

Kyle and I actually met through Instagram. It was a spontaneous day where I saw him on the explore page and liked his photo. He noticed and followed me, and then “slid into the DMs” as they say. Later on, we exchanged numbers and it just started from there. I remember Kyle texting me every morning to wish me a wonderful day or a goodnight. He was the only person to ever do that for me. With his charming personality, it was very easy to like him. We talked often and never ran out of things to talk about.

Six months later, I found out that I was traveling to NYC for a wedding.  This gave us an opportunity to meet in person. When we finally met, we clicked instantly – no awkwardness or anything like that at all. It felt very natural. We hung out for a whole day and enjoyed being together so much that we cried when we separated. After that, I went back to Missouri and that’s how the long distance relationship happened.

We gave it a try.

How We Made It Work

The hardest part about being in a long distance relationship is that you can’t physically be with your partner every day. It can be tough, especially with time difference. But if you really like this person and have patience, then it actually becomes a very small problem. Besides the distance, the relationship is still very similar to your normal one. All the elements that form a healthy relationship like communication, trust, and connection still apply. It just takes more a lot more care and work.

Here’s our perspective and what we think is most important.

Communication is the key to making things work. Be honest.

Hang – If I’m ever feeling unhappy about something, I make sure to be vocal and talk about it. There’s no point in keeping feelings to myself.  Since Kyle isn’t with me to see my facial expression or body language, he doesn’t know when there’s something wrong.  Problems shouldn’t be a guessing game and people can’t read minds. By having clear communication, we were able to resolve things easier.

Kyle  It’s very hard to express yourself through texting. There are going to be times when you misunderstand each other due to the way you write your messages. It’s trial and error, especially if you guys are still getting to know each other. You will learn what her triggers are and what she does not like. A relationship isn’t a relationship if you guys don’t fight. What’s most difficult about this is you can’t truly express what you feel over the phone. At the end of the day, try your best to make up with each other. The number one thing I try to avoid is sleeping without making amends. For my guys out there, sometimes it is going to be “your fault” and you’re going have to suck it up and apologize. Take a few minutes and think about why you guys are fighting. Would you want to end the relationship because of this single petty thing? Or is she worth it enough for you to throw away your ego for just a few minutes to apologize? If you do apologize (even if it’s not your fault), let it go and don’t ever bring it up again.

Make time for each other.

Hang – Life can get extremely busy but I believe that you can always make time for what’s important to you. If not, then it’s not the right time for you to be in a relationship. During our long distance, Kyle and I were both in school at the time and focused on our studies. Our education was our first priority. However, we always spent a spare minute to send each other a text. This doesn’t have to be an all day conversation. A text like

Hey, I’m studying for exams all day and can’t really text but I hope you have a wonderful day. I’ll talk to you later.

is meaningful. It lets the person know why you can’t text but you’re thinking of them. Furthermore, we always made time at night to talk and Skype before we went to sleep.

Kyle – Watching anime, Kdrama and other shows together at night or during your free days are fun. Just make sure to count at the same time when pressing play.

I find it really adorable to watch Hang’s expression during certain scenes through Skype/Facetime while we watch shows. Hang visited me about twice a year because there were more things to do around my area. I know it’s very difficult if you guys live in different countries, but having a money jar can help you save for your trip. If money is really tight, paying half of your partner’s trip to your place would help or meeting each other in a different place that is cheaper for the both of you could also work.

Give it each other trust and space.

Kyle – Girls, please understand that guys need some guy time with their friends (vice versa). Limiting them from going out will suffocate them. This is where trust comes in because you can’t really watch over  them. I know it’s very hard to trust someone, but hear me out.

If you are able to trust each other in a long distance relationship, that trust will become impenetrable. Good ways to lessen your partner’s worries is to text them and update them whenever you are going out. Small updates or sending them a photo of what you are doing can help relieve their anxiety.

Another important thing is to respect your partner’s wishes, if they need privacy to do their assignments or study for an exam, give it to them. Sometimes, when I have an important exam, I ask Hang to stay on cam and have herself on mute. I think of her as someone who’s there to support me and root for me when I feel like breaking down because of all the stress from school.

IMG_9653

Be each other’s friend and be inclusive.

Hang – I think the key to a successful relationship is to be a friend. Support them like you would for your best friend. Talk to them about your day, your plans, your goals, and let them know whom your other friends are. This makes them feel included in your life even though they’re far away. Being inclusive also helps with trust because they know what’s going on in your life. Nothing is a secret.

Kyle – Making friends with their friends is also a good idea. Don’t think of it as awkward because if you move to your partner’s location, you will meet them to become a friend anyway. Make sure to ask about your partner’s day even if yours didn’t go so well. If your partner is in a bad mood, ask them what you can do to make them feel better. Sending over care packages and small gifts from time to time even if there are no special occasions is also something I recommend.

IMG_9649

Keep it fun.

Hang – The best way to keep a relationship alive is to keep it fun. Be like kids with each other. For example, Kyle and I have tickle fights, pillow fights, crack jokes on each other, and tons of other childish things. Whenever we were far apart, our interaction was limited to just a conversation. But interesting enough, our conversation never got boring and I think that’s something so special.

Some people are together because they are attracted by each other’s physical appearances, or something materialistic, and they don’t realize it. They get bored after a while because they don’t have a real connection. With long distance, all you really have is your personality and words so you can really see if you connect.

It’s ok to take a break.

Sometimes, the distance or relationship can be too much and it’s ok to take a break. Your mental health is priority. You can’t be happy with another person if you’re not happy inside. Take some time and figure yourself out but make sure to communicate and have a mutual agreement/understanding with your partner.

IMG_9665

We’re finally together everyday now but to be clear, I didn’t move to the east coast for love.

I’m going to be honest because I don’t want to give you guys an unrealistic fairytale love story. Before I even met Kyle, I fell in love with NYC and I knew I would end up here. I had a clear vision of what I wanted for my future. It was by chance that he lived close by, which really worked out for us. Since being together every day, my love for Kyle has grown, and I’ve become certain that he’s the love of my life.

For anyone that’s thinking about moving, be sure that it’s for you. Not for someone else but for you. Love is incredible but if it’s not someone you’re marrying or already married to, think deeply before moving. Does this place fit into what you envision for yourself? Will you still like that place if you break up? Answer yourself honestly. That way, if you move, you know it’s for yourself. You don’t have regrets or worries about how you left everything behind because you would’ve made this move even if you didn’t have a love interest.

To sum it up, one of my followers @semperexploro said, “I believe both parties need to be strongly independent and have their own foundations in life before making the move.” I strongly agree with her statement and couldn’t have said it better.

IMG_1224

Long distance isn’t for everybody. But it works.

Kyle and I were in one for 2 years and now, here we are together today – almost reaching our 4-year anniversary. It wasn’t easy but we loved each other enough to put in the effort, have patience, and work things out. If you’re going through the same thing and you two truly want to be with each other, have some faith.

By doing the right things, having faith, and a stroke of luck, it will all usually work out.

If you liked this post, show love ↓

736 People liked this post.

19 Comments

  1. Well said! I’m in a long distance relationship right now for slightly over a year, and the last time we met we instantly clicked. Everything felt natural and felt “right” as they say. I can’t wait to see him again in a few months. It’s true that LDR’s are not for everyone, but your partner makes everything worth it.

    • P.S. I’ve been following you and Kyle for the longest time, and I am so happy and I have so much love for you two.

  2. Thank you for sharing <3 I was in a 3 year long distance and it was super hard. I’m truly happy that you guys are together!

  3. You two are the sweetest! I’ve never been in a long distance relationship, but some of my greatest friends are currently in long-distance relationships, and I know all of the challenges that come with it! You and Kyle are amazing, and this post definitely provides some great insights and tips! Definitely forwarding it to my girlfriends who are going through some difficult times right now1 🙂 <3

    XO, Elizabeth
    http://clothestoyouuu.com/

  4. I’m in a long distance relationship myself. I’m in New York and she’s in Norway. We communicate each other through Snapchat. It’s not easy because we’re not next to each other but for me it’s all about patience. Thank you for sharing your story.

  5. You guys are so cute. Loved reading this! My bf and I have been together for almost a year. He lives in California and I live in Europe. The 9 h time difference is killing us, but we know it is worth it. We always talk about our goals and future together, which helps us through difficult times.

  6. My boyfriend and I will be together for almost 5 years now because we’re what people say “highschool sweethearts” but he will be moving to university soon after cc this fall and im constantly worried about the distance. Thank you, this post helped reassure me on a lot of things and things to look out for in the future. I wish you and Kyle a blessed and happy relationship ❤️

  7. Aww Hang, this article really resonated with me. My boyfriend and I were also in a LDR for a year when he took a year off of school and went back home. It was the hardest thing, but we worked hard at it! We both learned how to be independent from each other and really appreciate our time together when we visited each other. We grew as individuals during that time. He came back for school and the fact that I was in the same city was the cherry on top. We’re still together to this day (3+ years)! I believe that long distance relationships work but only if they’re serious relationships and there is a plan for you two to be together in the same place at the same time.

    Loved this!

    – B

  8. Oh girl..my heart…I got emotional when you said you both cried when parting ways. My bf and I literally just parted ways yesterday morning and I miss him so much already. But yes, I do agree with everything you have stated. You can also add that when watching YouTube or daily motion videos you can use this website called watch2gether.com. All you do is either one of you open a room and then send the link to the other person…and just watch whatever videos you want. No need to create an account or click ‘play’ at the same time during video calls. I didn’t know about this until my bf told me haha

    It’s already been 2yrs for us and it’s kinda scary to think about if I should move to his place or if he should move where I’m at. Decisions decisions

  9. Ahhhh I needed this so much. I’m at the beginning of a long distance relationship. I’m from NY but I’m currently studying nursing in FL, and he’s in NJ. When I was reading, a lot of the things that you guys said we already do! So I’m glad we’re doing something right. You guys hit all of the points. It’s so freaking hard being far from him. But since you guys did it, hopefully we’ll be able to! Thank you guys!!

  10. You’ve always been an inspiration to me hang ❤️✌🏻Thank you guys

  11. I was waiting for your post since you have mentioned that you are working on a LDR post. It’s comforting to know that there’s a good outcome from long distance relationship. Love reading your posts!

  12. I have been excited for your post since I learned that you’re gonna write about your relationship with Kyle. A lot of the points you wrote I agree with completely. Love reading your posts! Waiting for your next YouTube video!

  13. this was so beautifully written and im so happy for you guys, best wishes ❤

  14. needed this so bad. im currently in a ldr and my boyfriend is in med school. both of our schedules are hectic and it was just really comforting to see you and kyle pulling through <3

  15. Ive been following you two for such a long time, and Im so happy to see you two together. Im in an LDR too right now, and I think I really needed this post. Thank you so much❤️❤️

  16. Hi Hang!

    This is my first time reading your blog and I have to say I really appreciate your writing n_n I read this post first because I wanted to get to know you two more, especially since I wasn’t there to see you guys grow together from the beginning. I’m so glad to have finally read your blog. I can tell you are very mature and I can learn a lot from you. Thank you so much for sharing your life and tips with us, I look forward to reading more!

  17. This is my first time reading your blog and I am in love with your writing! I love how you and your boyfriend collaborated for this post about LDR. My boyfriend and I were in a “LDR” for about a year and a half and when we met again for the first time after a couple years, we clicked right away. Everything felt right and I knew I was going to be okay. You just gained a new follower. 🙂

    Thanks for sharing!

    Alyssa | instagram.com/alyssa.orcales
    http://alyssa.orcales.com

  18. I am soo happy for you guys. You give me strength to keep going and having patience!
    My story is no different than this but its just a very long distance, two opposite sides of earth.
    WE Haven’t met yet but we have been connected from more than a year.
    I am waiting for the day we meet, maybe that day my heart may stop but it will be the best day.
    Keeping strong , thanks from heart for the story.

Write A Comment

Pin It